Demos and Demons

So I've spent all of last week recording piano/vocal demos of all the music for Book of Shadows...and have sent each song to Jono. And now there's no turning back...I've put my creative works into the hands of another artist so he can put his creative spin on what I've done. I have to say it's both exciting and tentative. On one hand I can't wait to hear Jono's ideas, but on the other hand...it's like sending a kid off to his first day of school...you hope he comes back home better, not beat up. It takes a great deal of trust & courage for a songwriter to turn work over to producers and arrangers...and while I've done it before with results ranging from disastrous to wondrous, I have come to trust my intuition in recent years, and I know Jono is brilliant at what he does.

The big difference for me about this is that Jono will be the first person to hear some if not most of these songs...I've quietly tucked much of this material into my consciousness until now. This is my way of keeping the material personal and sacred. It was important for me to keep the integrity of the work without writing with one eye on my audience. While I appreciate commercial merit, I really am more interested in Book of Shadows being about the art first. In other words writing songs because I'm a songwriter, not because I'm in the music business.

I did take the time to send a couple of my demos to the people I wrote the songs for. I wanted them to hear the songs in their original form...the way I wrote them...without the glossy finish of studio production. Again, a personal touch. It just seemed right.

I've also had the chance to listen to these songs as a collection...and I have to say I am very proud of my work. I always wonder if the songs I've written for a project are strong enough to hang on their own, yet also string together to form a cohesive body of work. In listening to them back to back, I do feel confident that I have a good album here. Really good in fact. And I plan to do my very best in the studio to satisfy my creativity. I'm letting go of expectations this time...I hope everyone will like it...but honestly, I'm doing this project for myself first.

I was beat up after Color of Rain. Lofty, unrealistic expectations and overblown egos are a dangerous mix. Not that I am disappointed in the recording, far from it, but the process of recording got out of hand more times than I care to count and the way business was conducted and botched in the months that followed really left me sick of the entire idea of the music "business". And in working over time to keep everyone happy and interested, I leached myself of happiness and interest. My performances suffered, and so did my emotional and physical health. Over worked, over weight, under estimated and under paid, I just didn't know if I really wanted to go on. Or even if I could.

In moving to Santa Fe I not only saved myself but I saved my passion for music. I believe I'm writing better than I ever have, and my voice is more expressive than it's ever been. I think I'm going to surprise myself with Book of Shadows...and finally banish the demos that have haunted me for far too long.